


Unlike the Daggers

by StopitGerald



Category: Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Because you’re a bitch, Depression, Losing everything, Suicidal Thoughts, attitude problems, loss of friends, that’s all this is, trying to fix oneself and failing, vent fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-03
Updated: 2021-01-03
Packaged: 2021-03-12 22:42:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 670
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28518075
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StopitGerald/pseuds/StopitGerald
Summary: The Inquisitor is like a Greatsword, she does not handle alongside other weapons like a shield or dual daggers. She is meant to be alone.
Relationships: Female Inquisitor/Cullen Rutherford
Kudos: 7





	Unlike the Daggers

**Author's Note:**

> My inq actually goes thru this in my canon but I wrote it because I’m just yknow. lmao I’m sad and chase everyone off and not a good person and just generally deserve to be alone forever

She knows that in the end she will be forgotten.

Maybe her delusions of grandeur had convinced her otherwise, for a time. Maybe she had, at one point, truly believed herself Andraste’s Herald and a leader fit for the inquisition’s massive forces and larger influence. But now, she has been cleared of any sense of power and any sense of leadership. She has been knocked down more pegs than she had ever been knocked down before, even in the circle tower.

They are going to disband the inquisition, and leave her worthless.

Without forces to command, people to control, without the hold and the keep, she is nothing.

But what has her mounting her steed and heading away from Halamshiral unannounced and cloaked by darkness is not the loss of her power and title, nor the loss of a battle to fight, to keep her heart thrumming, to give her purpose.

It is the loss of what she thought had been her friends.

Leiliana’s blunt attitude and witty quips, Josephine’s perfectly formulated plans and dainty laugh, and- 

and him. Him, too.

Thinking about him makes her feel sick.

She had let herself love him and he’d just forget her like everyone else.

Her mistake, she supposes, to believe someone could ever love her truly. Her, with her shaven head of unruly, tiny hairs, her crooked nose and squinty eyes, her too rounded chin and half-elven ears coming to an unnatural point. She had always been less attractive than the other girls her age, and that hadn’t changed with time.

Still, she had come to believe it was the inside that counted. But she was wrong. Like usual. 

Her inside wasn’t much better anyways, to be honest. She was cruel and curt when she wasn’t thinking before she spoke, she was quick to cut others off and isolated herself. She was power hungry and controlling, she was adamant that she always had a finger on every switch, an eye in every room. She hadn’t been unkind to her people, but she was not benevolent or graceful, either. She was no Andraste.

She had tried to show him how she felt, truly, but she supposes she’s failed. Much like in every other area. She’d failed to be a good student in her time in the circle, was never a good daughter to her family name, she had now failed the nations by having her inquisition infiltrated, she had failed countless people who had died. She failed him when she forgot to show him that she really  _ did  _ love him. Despite her gruff exterior, her coldness, her quietness. She did.

Now she is alone. Again.

And it is her fault alone.

Cassandra had always been a dear friend, but she, and the others, Varric, Dorian, Sera… Bull.

They’d turned away from her one by one. Cutting her off, pushing her out. She wasn’t welcome anymore. Her face? Maybe? The coldness? The awkwardness? The way she had tried to rule? It never seemed clear to her, but it was quite possible she was meddling the truth to blot out her own perception. To hide how awful she was from herself.

Aside from Cullen, Bull had hurt the most.

He had plainly and simply started to avoid her, and when she had tried to approach, he had told her he had no interest in befriending her.

Hadn’t they already been friends?

She thinks about killing herself, maybe, but decides not to. The anchor will do that soon enough. And Cullen will find a proper wife with long blonde hair and pretty round eyes and sweetness in her voice. Leiliana and Josephine will make friends elsewhere and it will be as if she never existed. Cass, Bull, Varric, Dorian- her friends. They will, too, forget her. 

  
  


In the meantime, she glances up at a night sky and pulls her cloak over her eyes, she’s sure there are bastards needing skewered and rogue rifts needing shook down. 

And she’s never been sharper than when she is alone.


End file.
